I am sick.
Not like sick sick, but sick because my heart can’t stand the lie I told today. Without going into so many details, I learnt from this experience that if you can avoid it, then ‘‘Don’t Lie’’.
No, scrap that. Imagine I never said it. Just Don’t lie.
The most annoying thing about lying is with every lie, you need another lie to cover up, and before your know it, you will be in a pool of lies.
Right now, I am on a bus going home from a city that isn’t my home. It was my first time in this city, and even while waiting for my bus, I still couldn’t get myself to experience the city because I was honestly disgusted by me.
The self-loath I felt for myself was and is just unexplainable. Rather than exploring this supposedly beautiful city I had heard so much about, I just sat in Burger King and slurped down a meal of about 1500 calories with the notion that I would register for the gym the following day.
Wait, I forgot to mention my mission to this new city that isn’t my home required that I see a medical practitioner for essential medical checkups. After my chat with the health practitioner, she just let me know that I weighed 83kg. Guys!!! this number is ridiculous, but this human sat comfortably and slurped a full cup of milkshake with Oreo after seeing it was about 595kcal. We only live once, right?
Back to the subject at hand. Don’t lie. If you have a judgy conscience like me and you tell a simple lie or what people call a white lie today, your heart will just be doing gbim gbim, and you will jerk at the littlest things, almost like you’re being chased.
Amid my overwhelming emotions and struggling to be present in this beautiful city, I tried to distract my mind, so I decided to listen to a podcast. Right there and then, I opened Apple Podcast, and the first episode from one of my favourite podcasts, Girlfriends, was
‘What to do when you mess up’. And I am like, Really!!!!! :(
This episode was put up the day before, and it honestly felt God and the world were coming for me.
It felt like the whole world wanted me to pay for my mistake. I decided to listen to it either way and after what seemed like forever and I had swam in an ocean of guilt through the podcast, I found myself in a pool of emotions and decisions that I wasn’t sure I understood. In essence, I was confused at first, but I won’t lie I felt better just a little bit. In my mind, I made a silent resolve on the next steps to take my guilt away.
But guess what, Yup, you’re right…this only lasted for a second or so, and I was back to self-loathing.
I spent the whole trip back to my home feeling inadequate and putting this article together. Today, I lived in fear, and this is not something I want to do again. So today, I have decided that no matter the situation, I will not lie. Not to myself or to anyone. If I can’t handle the truth, too bad, but I have to deal with it regardless.
As cliche as this sounds,
‘Honesty is actually the best policy.’ &‘The truth will always set you free.’
This experience taught me that when I can avoid doing something wrong, I should avoid it. I will try to avoid it in all situations, but I like taking small steps first. Essentially, life’s too short to decide to live a whole 24 hrs in fear because of something that could have been avoided.
It also reminded me how much I love writing and how therapeutic writing is for me.
In the meantime, don’t lose focus from the lesson in this article, DON’T LIE.
